"Should we experience a loss of cabin pressure......."

How often have you heard, and immediately tuned out, the pre-flight safety announcement recited by flight attendants on every domestic and international airline.

The presentations vary. Some are dry and monotone, others are rhythmic and poetic, and, if you are lucky, some are repeated in multiple languages. The wisdom of these messages are often lost in conversation with perfect strangers, fallen on the deaf ears of a drifting mind or distracted by flipping through those catalogues of curious gifts that no one buys. Anything to distract us from listening.

Besides the obvious value of potentially life saving instruction, the pre-flight safety scripts, in my less-than-learned opinion, has provided the most meaningful personal development guidance since the timeless wisdom found in fortune cookies.

I am not talking about stowing away your luggage under the seat in front of you or putting your tray in an upright position or even turning off all electronic devices. Although, knowing where to can find a floatation device in case of a water landing could prove important someday.

However, there is one more instruction that often escapes us but is extremely powerful and meaningful.

"Should we experience a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will drop from the ceiling above you. Secure your own mask first before assisting others ......"

Wow.... how profound is that. Think about it....."Secure your own mask first before assisting others". It makes perfect sense. In such an event, you could loose consciousness trying to save your traveling companion first. Then what good are you? The normal reflex is to help, especially to save a child. But that reflex could jeopardize you both. It goes against all those things we are taught to care for others and our natural tendencies for self-sacrifice.

The same holds true when we are not flying..... in our work and personal lives. We often try to help when we are not capable, but feebly try out of reflex to "help".

How many times have we reached out to "help" someone in need only to find we had little to offer other then a hollow "don't worry, things will work out". Now that is really helping.... Isn't it?

Don't get me wrong. There is a place for a soft shoulder and a wiling ear. There is a value to that for sure. Providing a safe place for someone is often all that is wanted. But I propose there is so much more to offer.

Whether it is a friend, co-worker or family member, the value we can provide is from our own inner strength, emotional stability, knowledge and abilities. We have to be able to contribute something tangible and worthwhile ...... Our mask has to be on first.

One more reason to round the "State of Being" cycle and "be" someone or something. If you are a parent..."be" the one who advises, nurtures and loves your child! If you are a friend, "be" there in times of trouble and celebration. If you are a leader, "be" the one who motivates, engages and promotes.

We need to have our act together, be grounded and have a solid foundation before we can help others. Not that we need to be enlighten by years of meditation in Nepal. I simply mean that we should be secure, comfortable and honest with ourselves because you never know when there will be a loss of cabin pressure.

"Be" the one who grabs the oxygen mask first by being who you are!

Memorial Day ... Don't forget to remember.

Today is Memorial Day and it is a time for us to remember those who gave their lives during military service as well as those older warriors who are passing every day.

We just lost the last US veteran of WWI, Frank Buckles, on February 28th and WWII vets are leaving us by the thousand every day and not to mention the troops that are currently dieing in Iraq and Afghanistan.

We are loosing our national treasure at an alarming rate.

I have also had contact with a few guys who served in my dad's Army unit during WWII... 63rd Infantry Division ("Blood and Fire"), 255th Infantry Regiment, Company L. To make a long story short, one of them invited me to their reunion in Indiana. Bob, 87 years old, wasn't sure how many more reunions there will be since "there aren't many more of us left". How very sad for us all.

Yesterday, on "Sunday Morning", there was a segment on Tom Day who founded "Bugles Across America" in 2000. He and 7,500 volunteers make sure there is an actual bugler at ever veteran's funeral playing taps. What a wonderful way to show respect and appreciation!

Again another sad statistic ... they estimate a half a million veterans will die every year for the next seven years. Imagine that!

I know I can't bugle nor would I even try, but there's something I will do today. I will make a donation to Bugles Across America as well as the 63rd Infantry Division's reunion fund. I will also take out one of my dad's war time pictures and say a short prayer to him, his war time buddies and the fathers of my friends who served. I will simply thank them for their service and for enabling me to be who I am.

God bless them all!!

Check out the link to Bugles Across America: www.buglesacrossamerica.org and the 63rd Infantry Division: 63rdinfdiv.com

This Week in the Life of Joseph Anthony

On this day, March 14th, 66 years ago, the morning report of Company L, 255th Infantry Regiment of the 63rd Infantry Division read, “Departed Sarrenguemines Fr WQ 522 2015. Arrived forward assembly area Muhlen Wald Germany WQ 5261 2215”.

The day before, the morning report stated, “Co. received special training in attacking fortified positions and night attacks”.

The boys knew they were in for something serious.

My dad, Joseph Anthony Pulichene, was one of those boys. He and his buddies in Company L were getting ready for an advance against a German position. He would have celebrated his 19th birthday just days before on February 28th. What was going through his head THAT day as he waited for THAT moment? “Will I see my 20th birthday?” … might have been one thought.

Unfortunately he passed away many years ago when I was 21. I didn’t have the chance to ask him what it was like during those days in March, 1945. Although he may not have even told me as many WWII vets often kept their experiences to themselves. They knew and it didn’t need to be said.

My daughter and I have been walking his footsteps by way of Company L’s morning reports, trying to understand where he was and what he was going through. Maybe it was receiving an information packed CD from a granddaughter of a fellow Company L soldier, or recently viewing Ken Burns emotional documentary, “The War”, or maybe it was watching “Band of Brothers” on the monitor attached to an elliptical machine at my gym yesterday, but reading these morning reports last night moved me in a way I can’t explain.

Joseph Anthony Pulichene was a simple foot soldier being asked, as his entire generation was asked, to do the unspeakable. I hold no fanciful image of him charging a machine gun nest with a grenade in each hand. No … I think of him just as my dad. The guy who worked every day to raise his family, watched the Ed Sullivan and Dean Martin variety shows, drank with his friends at the Knights of Columbus, coached my little league team and was the loudest parent in the bleachers cheering me on the HS football field. He lived a blue collar life so I could go to an expensive college prep HS and see me at least through the middle of my senior year in college. He never knew what college really was all about, but he knew it was good and he wanted it for me.

That’s the terrified, skinny kid I pictured, staring out on that lonely, vast field in Germany he was about to cross 66 years ago. Maybe smoking what could have been his last cigarette, maybe saying a Hail Mary while clutching the Blessed Mother medal around his neck that his mom gave him the day he shipped out or maybe he was horsing around with his pals to mask his fear. That’s the guy who was ready to do the impossible.

****************************************************************************************************
Morning Report: March 17

Location: 1 ½ Mi N Neumuhlerhof Ger

Note: Nelson, Donald E (Pvt), Pulichene, Joseph A (Pvt), Flikerson, Karl T (Pvt) Above 3 EM dy to clr 363 Med Bn LWA Germany Trfd DOP 7th A 16 March 45

Translation: Joe and two buddies were transferred to a medical unit to treat wounds suffered the day before. He received a Purple Heart for a shrapnel wound on his left bicep.

“It is the Journey, young grasshopper”

“It is the journey, young grasshopper ….not the destination”, I would imagine Master Po counseling Kwai Chang Cain (aka David Carradine) in the 70’s popular “Kung Fu” TV series.

My buddies and I were always impressed by the flowing rivers of wisdom bestowed upon young grasshopper by his kung fu master and Shaolin monk. This was almost as cool as the jumping roundhouse kicks.

If only I had my own Shaolin monk to advise me through life as Kwai Chang Cain had. He was fortunate to have two! … Masters Po and Kan. I could have used just one of them from time to time to help me answer some of life’s questions in such poetic and calming ways as:

“Grasshopper, be yourself and never fear thus to be naked to the eyes of others. Yet, know that man so often masks himself. That what is simple is rarely understood. The dust of truth swirls and seeks its own cracks of entry and the tree falling in the forest, without ears to hear, makes no sound yet it falls”

Wow!! Feel enlightened?

I often would utter …”it is the journey, young grasshopper, not the destination” when a path to completing a project seemed blocked by boulders and bandits. Also when personal problems seemed bleak and insurmountable, this mantra would work well. Obvious meaning ….the true value is the learning and personal growth gained as we deal with the obstacles and challenges encountered along the way … regardless of whether we are successful or not.

There is a wonderful Greek poem written in 1894 by Constantine P. Cavafy (1863 – 1933) titled “Ithaka”. It speaks to this subject very nicely. It is based on a Greek classic, possibly Homer’s Odyssey, about a journey to Ithaka, a small island off the west coast of Greece. The writer offers a traveler, possibly Odysseus, advice about crossing paths with angry and vengeful gods. Besides the warnings, the writer encourages the traveler to make the best of it. “Ask that your way be long” and visit as many ports and markets as possible, buy luxuries and seek the wisdom of the learned. Good advice? You bet.

Although the spirit of the poem speaks more to positive experiences and triumphs, the contrary would also apply. There has to be something gained from unpleasant experiences. There has to be some meaning to it all.

Want a real example? A dear friend’s wonderful wife was diagnosed with a form of cancer a few years ago. It was a very difficult and emotional journey they both embarked upon. They traveled from discovery through treatment and then to a blessed recovery. Besides the heart warming updates he would email to friends and family on behalf of his wife, he recapped the lessons of their ordeal. To me this was a beautiful demonstration of the journey being as important as the destination (i.e., remission).

To summarize a few …
• We are stronger then we think
• We are loved by more people then we may realize
• When in doubt, give it to God
• God does have a sense of humor
• We need to forgive ourselves and then forgive others
• Living in the past can be filled with regrets, living in the future can be filled with fear, living in the moment can make me happy.
• Sometimes it is just best to do nothing
• Nothing lasts forever – good times or bad
• Everything I have done in my life has brought me to this place. I am the sum of my experiences, good and bad.
• I want to laugh more

Of course there is a moral to these random tales of Kung Fu fighters, Greek mythology and personal triumph. There are actually two.

First ….. Too often we focus on the end …… cashing the bonus check, hanging the diploma on the wall or hearing the audience’s applaud.

Those are only important if they serve to remind us of the journey we took to get there and how the journey made us better people. If it is only for the ego, they will collect dust on a mantle, end up tucked away in a closet or as a temporary fix that needs to be satisfied again and again with less effect.

Second …. Even in the darkest moments, we learn, grow and become stronger …..if we will only let it. Those obstacles and “sideliners” can open unknown pathways to help further our own enlightenment ....... young grasshopper.

I leave you with my favorite verse from Ithaka …

“Ithaka has given you the splendid voyage.
Without her, you would never have set out,
But she has nothing more to give you.
And if you find her poor,
Ithaka has not deceived you.

So wise have you become of such experience,
That already you will have understood
What this Ithakas mean.”

Bon Voyage ….. and buy as many sensuous perfumes as you can!

Extra Credit: Reading of “Ithaka” by Sean Connery

Settling is for Rocks

If you ever had the privilege of standing before the majestic Grand Canyon, you will witness a jaw-dropping display of intense natural beauty. The layers of red, orange, green, brown and tan create a rainbow of earth tone colors spanning every corner of sight. The senses are shocked by its magnificence and fooled into thinking it is only an illusion.

The Grand and its many smaller branch canyons were formed by millions of years of shifting and colliding tectonic plates, raging rivers and punishing winds, revealing dramatic rock formations that chronicle the history of our world.

Diving deep into the canyon, you can touch and feel the passage of time through each layered ribbon composed of rocks, sandstone, and sediment from ancient seas that settled over the centuries with the help of crushing gravity and enormous pressure.

As the canyon’s rocks have settled, people settle too. We settle for things material and for matters of the heart.

Settling for the material is easy to understand. It is either a Lexus or a Toyota, an apartment or a house, a suit or a pair of pants and a sport coat. We settle the material for convenience, cost, fit, availability, a deadline (Sale ends at midnight!!) or we just can not make up our mind and forced to decide.

Think of the last time you settled for something material. Were you relieved and happy or disappointed and feeling shorted. If it was the latter, fear not for it is easily fixed. Just trade in the Toyota for that Lexus or buy that house when your lease expires. Easy right?

Settling for the matters of the heart is very different. Settling for matters of the heart have long lasting affects, creating a feeling of loss that often cannot be regained. After all, it is a dream and a passion that has been diluted, leaving you hungry and unsatisfied.

In the context of the State of “Be”ing Cycle, settling is not taking those affirmative steps toward “be”ing someone or something . It is not even a “sideliner” that knocks you off the cycle you were on. Settling is much more painful.

If that is true, why do we settle on matters of the heart? Why do we trade in huge dreams for those with less loft? (Hint … this is the part where you pause, reflect and say “hhhmmm”!).

Now for the multiple choice quiz.

We settle because we:
A.) Fear making the leap,
B.) Underestimate our ability or conviction,
C.) Hear those “encouraging” comments such as “You’re too old (or young)”, “You can’t possibly do that!”, “It is just a phase that you’ll get over”.
D.) Are just too damn tired of the fight and simply give up,
E.) All of the above.

Now for extra credit. There is another ….. that of being “comfortable”.

Lots of us make the safe bet. We don’t loose but then again we don’t win. We stay in place like swimming against a strong current. There’s lots of spent energy, a feeling of doing but in reality accomplishing little. Another way of looking at it and tying back to the Canyon introduction (at last!), is gravity and pressure. The gravity of comfort is relentlessly pulling us to make the safe decision and there is enormous pressure exerted to keep us to it.

Take that local job and not hold off to pursue the one where you dreamt of living, get that 30 year plaque and not start that business when you knew you had the perfect idea, stay in a familiar relationship that’s safe and not take the risk by following your heart and passions. The list goes on………

Although, these are not bad or wrong decisions and there can be many positive outcomes. However, the most unsettling reality is regret, even when you convince yourself there is none.

In the quiet of your room as you lay awake at night staring into the darkness ..…. you know the answer…. hhhmmmm

Pebble in Your Shoe

I live by a fairly large county forest preserve that I really enjoy. I have been walking, running and biking its gentle series of meandering trails for several years. It cuts along an expansive marsh, fields of multicolored wildflowers, still lakes and native prairie grasses that dance in the breeze. Of course there are requisite trees of various sizes and shapes that dot the landscape and bring perspective and contours to a very flat horizon. Not at all hilly but after all it is Illinois. There are plenty of little critters and birds that I can’t name and even once in a while I can hear the occasional screeching of a red tail hawk or the whining engine of semi hurtling down a nearby highway, a muted reminder that reality is ever present. Nothing says serenity like a diesel!

Anyway, I started walking more rigorously and regularly a few months ago to tune up for an upcoming backpacking trip. It is the only way I can stay in some kind of shape now that I can’t run. I need to build up a modest bit of endurance so my compadres don’t leave me for the wolves, which I believe they would do if I lagged behind. Few know this backpacking secret but it is a strategy to have at least one laggard in a party. Unbeknownst to that poor soul, they represent the weak member of a herd with the unfortunate purpose of diverting predators from the rest. So the whole rule about falling behind is taken seriously with my crew, especially in bear country!

Anyway, I am at a pretty good clip and can complete the circuit in a lot quicker time then when I started. Working up a sweat on a sunny morning is my idea of a good time. On one of my recent hikes, I alas, realized something was missing. Since I couldn’t finger it, I pressed on, not to be deterred. Along the way, I met a young athletic woman named Barbara Bond, “as in James” she said. I notice Barbara because she was walking toward me carrying a little notebook making entries as she went. I couldn’t help but ask “why”? As it turns out, she runs the trail numerous times and never realized how pretty it was. So Barbara wanted to change it up by dressing in civilian clothes, walking slowly and noticing what she was running past. I thought that was great and told her so. Interestingly enough, I asked her if she saw the nice patch of fragrant pines that she must have just passed. We parted and went our opposite ways. I walked a little further thinking of my pleasant encounter with Barbara and anticipating coming upon that stretch of pines I touted. Then it dawned on me. I had already passed it and didn’t even notice. That made me think. How could I possibly miss it? I would always catch their fresh fragrance before reaching them. It was an enjoyable water stop under the shade, looking up and admiring the deep green symmetrical needles and the contrasting tan cones.

Evidently, something was lost. Even though I gained speed and endurance, I lost what I found walking at a beginner’s pace.

Moral of the story? It is good to have a pebble in your shoe. A mere pebble can interrupt your stride. You need to slow, find a place to stop and get the pebble out so you can continue the journey. In that time, you may pause and look around at the scenery and the things that you missed. Even when you are improving areas of your life and trying to better your self, you may not be paying attention to what perhaps got you there. These are the things that helped you through the discomfort of starting something new; distracting you from the rough spots and help you enjoy your initial successes.

Everyone needs to now and then get an “interruption”. What ever that might be …. comment from a peer, a minor defeat, something didn’t go as planned. Such interruptions causes you to stop, regroup, rethink your strategy, get back on the trail and maybe this time you will reconnect with those things you overlooked …… those things that developed you ….. those things that got you where you are.

Oh yah, I forgot to mention … that patch of pines was a welcome shelter during a sudden rain shower. Hhhmmmm!!

Something Comforting

Work has been keeping me away from posting. However, not to disappoint my fan, here's a poem I wrote a while ago that you might like. Consider this an interlude until I can break the shackles of the "man"!!

Something Comforting

Something comforting about eavesdropping on the next table

At a local restaurant in a plain vanilla suburb of Chicago,

Hearing the names of familiar streets, bridges and neighborhoods,

Stitched together with the remembered traffic and parking nightmares,

Spoken in the New York City “twang” I, at that moment, missed very much

but years ago couldn’t wait to escape.

Something comforting about suddenly remembering after years

To order my peppers and onions grilled crispy brown in my scrambled eggs

Just like my Polish and German (or French depending on the war) grandma

Made for me and my buddies on many occasion launching us back to college

Creating the tradition we talk about even today.

Something comforting about visiting a Lithuanian restaurant

Came upon by sheer happenstance one random Saturday

With customers and wait staff speaking the language

As culturally appropriate music played,

Being served rye bread, potato pancakes with rich sour cream

And lard soaked sour kraut as only eastern Europeans can make.

Something comforting about remembering, while washing dishes

With my twenty one year old daughter, the time I deeply hurt

my high-school-dropout, salt-of-the-earth, WW II vet, Knight of Columbus,

Work-till-he-died father with a quick, sharp comment

That I take back over and over again in prayer

But only until now told out loud to the one I hold dearest.

Something comforting about acting like teenage boys

With the same, as men, thirty five years later,

Not missing a beat with teenage boy brand humor

Sharing hopes and, hard to believe, deep thoughts about life, love

And the aches of aging used-to-be-teenage-boy bodies

Bonded by brotherhood and fueled by dreams.