New & Improved Definitions

State of “Be”ing Cycle Definitions

State of Desire	A desire to be something or someone. What we “wanna be” is only an image and a vision without a decision to act.
Wanna Be	A decision to attain stature and/or eminence in a specific field of endeavor. There is conviction and determination.
Should Have Been	The potential was apparent and the desire was strong enough to “Wanna be” but no action was taken to begin the cycle. Leads to frustration, disappointment and lost opportunities. The state of lost dreams. When disabling events or the simple passage of time prevents a person from even wanting to be something. To live is a “wishful” world without any attempt to enter the cycle and any possibility of achievement is perhaps the worst fate of all.
Could Be	To be actively engaged in achieving what is desired. When you have achieved a certain degree of competencies when you realistically can believe that can “be” what you once had only dreamed of becoming.
Could have been	“Sidelined” along the way of achievement. Any number of personal, physical or professional factors prevents or interrupts attainment of “Be” status. “Be” status can still be achieved by overcoming the obstacle.
Be	Attainment of what was desired and actively involved in maintaining/enhancing that level of achievement. “Being” does not always mean a practitioner “Being” is still maintained and enhanced as a teacher, thought leader and as a creative.
Used to Be	Due to a “sideliner”, no longer actively engaged in maintaining the stature you once attained. However, a high degree of competency exists that would enable a return to “Be” with some effort. That competency erodes over time and the length of time on the sidelines determines the ability to return to “be” status.
Has Been	A significant time as a “Used to be” has resulted in a loss of competencies necessary to regain “Be” status. Will require extensive effort and desire to start the cycle again. One has to “Wanna Be” again.

New and improved State of "Be"ing Cycle Diagram

Yo .... Copernicus!!!

According to my dear friend, Webster, “irony” is the incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected results.

A perfect example and one that will secure my picture next to its definition is how can a normal (maybe) guy with a love of martial arts, running and physical fitness get osteoarthritis.

As I sit on the upper level of the old 6:24 am commuter train making my daily run to Chicago, I ponder that. The A/C is masking the steamy summer heat outside leaving just the sunshine to put me in a zenish trance as the passing scenes mesmerize.

Maybe the answer to my dilemma will appear. Maybe the pain in my back and hip will miraculously disappear.

But as the reality of my rocky train ride is coming to an end, so too is the reality that my physical fix will take as much determination and persistence as earning my shodan years ago. Is this another “ah ha” moment or what?

My “wanna be” has yet to begin. My desire to return to “greatness” (now modest fitness) is still mere electrical impulses bouncing around randomly in my tiny brain. I am not even on the State of “Be”ing Cycle. I am looking in from the outside like a child wanting to hop on a spinning merry-go-round. It won’t stop but I have to somehow make the leap.

You might be wondering (or not) where Copernicus fits into this tale. Well this “ah ha” moment made me feel like an ancient astronomer discovering a new planet after justifying for years only a certain number. There is another planet that I hadn’t noticed before. It has always been but it makes sense now that the clouds are clearing.

Yo, Copernicus … that’s not dust on the telescope!!

Before we make the leap to the State of “Be”ing cycle and even grab onto that “wanna be” ring, there is a “State of Desire” out there, outside of the cycle.

Where as a “wanna be” makes a conscious decision to act, being in a State of Desire, our “wanna be” is only an image or a vision far from reality. Seemingly a subtle difference but not really. We all imagine our selves being someone or something but it takes action and often a cataclysmic event to provide the push to conviction.

A dear friend sent me this quote from an ancient Chinese philosopher (or may be he just made it up!) … “A vision without action is a daydream. Action with out a vision is a nightmare”.

Visualization is truly an important part of the self-development process. We can vividly imagine all the details of what we want and all the steps that need to take us there. However, visualization is not enough. We need to move to action and make that leap from desire to the State of “Be”ing Cycle.

See the modified “State of “Be”ing Cycle diagram and definitions with my new planet!!

Sara Riva Tulbowitz

Just yesterday I celebrated my 54th birthday. As the duality of this world would have it, so too did I remember the death of Sara Riva Tulbowitz. You might ask, how did a catholic, Italian Pole in his 50's with a name like "Pulichene" meet up with a Jewish girl, age 17 named "Tulbowitz". An even better question would be how did a guy who was born in 1956 meet a girl who was born on August 2o, 1924 and died in 1941. hhhmmmm.

Well the answer lies with a truly wonderful web site: www.eachofushasaname.org

I was made aware of the site by a very dear friend whose 14 year old son created it to honor the victims of the holocaust. There are many ceremonies that pay tribute to and remember those who lost their lives during that horrible period of our human existence. However, my friend's son came up with this way of honoring every single person whose life was tragically taken on the anniversary of their death. Thereby, the name ..... each of us has a name. How fitting. How beautiful.

So that is how I became acquainted with Sara. Some how, I connected with her instead of so many others. Since there was not an actual recorded date of her death, it was permissible to pick a date. As an easy way to remember, I picked my birthday as the date to remember her death. I also wanted to honor the 17 years of her life and try to imagine her as a teenager. This was very impactful for me since my daughter is 22 and not so far off in age from Sara when she died. How tragic and how unfair that Sara's life be taken before she was able to grow into who she could have become.

So next time you hear me complain about another birthday and getting old , please remind me of Sara who never had that chance. God bless you, Sara and I wish you peace. You will be remembered!!

For more information about this meaningful web site and to select a name to remember: www.eachofushasaname.org

The Wobbling Stool

Everyone has sat on a stool that wobbles. For whatever reason, a leg or two is uneven and you wobble back and forth. Sometimes rhythmically but most of the time it grows highly annoying and disruptive to why you are sitting … chatting with friends, having a quick meal or reading a paper.

Even tables at a restaurant seem to wobble. This is usually remedied by wedging under a leg a folded napkin, book of matches or, if it is really severe, a menu.

The goal is to stop the rocking, achieve stability and get on with what you are doing without distraction.

I believe we all have the characteristics of a wobbling stool. We wobble when that which supports us becomes uneven. There we are sitting comfortably when something happens to one or more legs of our stool causing us to wobble, become disoriented and possibly fall. Our center of gravity is shaken and we feel out of sorts.

What provides that stability is different for everyone. Everyone’s legs are unique to who we are. Each finds support and stability through a variety of personal ways. Haven’t you asked yourself, “Why do I feel so darn great these past few days?” or, more likely, “Why am I in this funk that I can’t get out of?” A leg on our stool is not something temporary or trivial like the weather, the traffic or your sports team’s record. These legs represent something significant in our world. They run deep within us and touch our soul.

Stools come in different shapes and sizes and they usually have three or four legs. Less then three and there’s no hope of stability what so ever. More then four and your stool looks ridiculous! My stool has four: health, relationships, profession and, last but not least, my daughter. Health or being fit is important to me. My earlier blog entries drone on about that aspect of my life. Relationships with family and friends are so very important as is their happiness and comfort. My profession or career is a strong driver of who I am and a reflection of where I came from and my value. My daughter is my life. What happens to her has dramatic effects on everything I do and how I feel.

Most of my life has been trying to achieve some degree of balance with minimal wobble.

What rests on our stool is not our petite butts. What rest tenuously is our emotional and psychological well “be”ing. When one of our supporting legs is off kilter, so too is our ability to achieve balance and simply feel good. We are uneasy, stressed, irritated and uncomfortable. When all our legs are the same length, so to speak, we are balanced, centered and at peace. Believe me, none of which escapes those around us.

A good example of a major wobble was when I lost my job. A wholesome chunk of my “professional” leg was wacked off. The shock to the stool was extremely unsettling and I felt I was falling. To the rescue were the other legs of my stool. My friends and family were incredibly encouraging, my daughter was in my corner cheering me on and I was in tip-top shape to withstand the physical demands of the job search. My karate classes continued which was a major stress reducer. Nothing says tranquility then beating the crap out of a heavy bag!!

Using a fair amount of creativity, just imagine the other legs magically adjusting their lengths to compensate for the reduction in my damaged one. I still wobbled a bit but not as much as if I were alone or was in poor health. I got through it with a buttress here and there. I never fell…not once! This is certainly more then I can say for many a bar stool I’ve encountered!

So …. most days I do a systems check on my mental outlook trying to understand why I wobble and see what I can find to wedge under a leg.

Snap out of it!!

In Moonstruck (a must see), there is an extremely entertaining and poignant scene when Ronny Cammareri (played by Nicolas Cage) declares to Loretta Castorini (played by Cher) , “I love you” to which Loretta responds with two hard slaps and a sharp “Snap out of it”.

Let’s put things in perspective, shall we, and not be so damn dramatic. Although I have a “degenerative disease”, it is not life threatening. I don’t have the hideous big “C’. Nor do I have Lou Gehrigs disease or MS. So what’s a few aches and pains that vicodin and a hip replacement can’t cure!! The reality is, as a dear friend once said, I am loved, fed and safe. So, Joey ….. “Snap out of it!”

To make me feel more ashamed of my “woe is me” fatalism, I happened to see a Sunday morning program weeks ago that left a huge imprint on me. Prophetically enough, I watched it before my diagnosis. Maybe my inner “Joe” knew it would come in handy one day … perhaps this day. The story was about Dennis Walters. His story began as a young aspiring and gifted golfer on his way to winning many professional trophies. Nothing but promise lay ahead of him. His dreams were on track to be reality until one day on the course, he suffered a freak golf cart accident that left him paralyzed from his waist down. He couldn’t walk much less golf. To make a wonderful story way too short, he turned his passion for golf and his innate skill into an awesome display of courage and tenacity. He became a renown trick golf artist making incredible shots thrilling thousands all over the US. He triumphed because many told him he couldn’t. Now that is chutzpah!! “Chutzpah” according to me Yiddish friend, Webster, means “supreme self confidence” and in Dennis’ case, it was.

Another take away from the story was a beautiful tagline he uses ….. “If your dream doesn’t work out, find another one!” Hhmmm …maybe that is where I am on the State of “Be”ing cycle. Maybe I need to find another “be” to “wanna be” …. Do you think?

For more information about Dennis, see http://denniswalters.com