Are We Salmon?

"They go not only from cradle to cubical, but then to the casket, without uncovering their greatest talent and potential", Tom Rath, Strength Finder.

I just finished reading Mr. Rath's well researched book and loved the concept.  The premise is summed up beautifully in another quote from his book. He and another researcher "were tired of living in a world that revolved around fixing our weaknesses.  Society's relentless focus on people's shortcomings had turned into a global obsession.  What's more, we had discovered that people have several times more potential for growth when they invest energy in developing their strengths instead of correcting their deficiencies."

In reading just the first 30 pages, it became apparent to me that many people who journey along the State of Being Cycle in pursuit of "Being" someone or something, may be pursuing an ideal or dream that is not in their arena of strengths.  We might be "fixing our weaknesses" versus developing our strengths.  Like swimming up stream, we may get there but with a lot of effort and it is very easy to slip back, giving way to the opposing current, hence the title of this blog.

In another aspect, some people may not take the plunge at all but just timidly waiting and not jumping from the State of Desire to the State of Being Cycle.  They know deep down that it is the wrong cycle to be on.  Perhaps it is not a question of being wrong or scared but just not knowing what is right.

Having gone thought the Strength Finder questionnaire and seeing the results, it becomes very clear that trying to achieve the attributes and traits we admire in others and aspire to acquire, may rob ourselves of those opportunities that are as clear as the nose on our face.  After gazing in my mirror, I realize that my own nose despite being a little pointy, is pretty darn good. 

Maybe in those moments where things are just not coming together, we need to step back and take a look at why.  I submit that perhaps we are needlessly trying to swim upstream.  Would it not be much easier to “go with the flow”?  Often we think that is going backwards and falling behind, but I also submit that the chances of surviving a Class V rapid is much greater going with it, not against it.

In the terrific true account of Teddy Roosevelt's epic journey down the "River of Doubt" (a book with the same title by Candice Millard), I found a perfect analogy.  At one part of this harrowing trip, a very wide and calm stretch of the river quickly narrowed to a space that a canoe could not even get through, bordered by high canyon walls.  The intensity of the funneled water increased exponentially into a powerful force that couldn't possibly be imagined.  Now think in term of your strengths.  How might they be channeled to generate a force that couldn't possibly be imagined?

Perhaps shifting to another State of Being Cycle …… one that plays to our strengths is certainly worth consider.

Mr. Rath also points out that strength is a combination of one’s natural abilities and the investment of time and effort to develop that talent (Talent + Investment = Strength). This makes perfect sense and the concept resonates with me.

I would like to add two things to that equation ..... desire and passion.  My interpretation is that talent is the fundamental ingredient and an obviously critical component.  Investing in your talent gives it the capacity to flourish.  To me, desire is the match and passion is the accelerant that makes things happen.  In my extensive study involving absolutely no data nor supporting clinical research, the degree to which a talent is fueled can turn it from a marshmallow-roasting campfire to a raging forest fire.  Without the fire of desire (sorry for the rhyme) and the accelerant of passion, talent could only be a pile of logs that once engaged could run out of fuel and burn out no matter how many logs you build upon.

Therefore, my equation is this ..... (Talent + Investment) x (Desire + Passion) = Strength

The moral of the story is that recognizing that you are on the wrong cycle is the best that can happen and the sooner the better.  Get on another that is flowing in your direction so you can glide effortlessly and swiftly propelled by your strengths.

Bottom line ….. we are not salmon after all.

God speed on your journey!

Recommended reading:

•   "Strength Find 2.0" by Tom Rath

•   "River of Doubt" by Candice Millard 

"Should we experience a loss of cabin pressure......."

How often have you heard, and immediately tuned out, the pre-flight safety announcement recited by flight attendants on every domestic and international airline.

The presentations vary. Some are dry and monotone, others are rhythmic and poetic, and, if you are lucky, some are repeated in multiple languages. The wisdom of these messages are often lost in conversation with perfect strangers, fallen on the deaf ears of a drifting mind or distracted by flipping through those catalogues of curious gifts that no one buys. Anything to distract us from listening.

Besides the obvious value of potentially life saving instruction, the pre-flight safety scripts, in my less-than-learned opinion, has provided the most meaningful personal development guidance since the timeless wisdom found in fortune cookies.

I am not talking about stowing away your luggage under the seat in front of you or putting your tray in an upright position or even turning off all electronic devices. Although, knowing where to can find a floatation device in case of a water landing could prove important someday.

However, there is one more instruction that often escapes us but is extremely powerful and meaningful.

"Should we experience a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will drop from the ceiling above you. Secure your own mask first before assisting others ......"

Wow.... how profound is that. Think about it....."Secure your own mask first before assisting others". It makes perfect sense. In such an event, you could loose consciousness trying to save your traveling companion first. Then what good are you? The normal reflex is to help, especially to save a child. But that reflex could jeopardize you both. It goes against all those things we are taught to care for others and our natural tendencies for self-sacrifice.

The same holds true when we are not flying..... in our work and personal lives. We often try to help when we are not capable, but feebly try out of reflex to "help".

How many times have we reached out to "help" someone in need only to find we had little to offer other then a hollow "don't worry, things will work out". Now that is really helping.... Isn't it?

Don't get me wrong. There is a place for a soft shoulder and a wiling ear. There is a value to that for sure. Providing a safe place for someone is often all that is wanted. But I propose there is so much more to offer.

Whether it is a friend, co-worker or family member, the value we can provide is from our own inner strength, emotional stability, knowledge and abilities. We have to be able to contribute something tangible and worthwhile ...... Our mask has to be on first.

One more reason to round the "State of Being" cycle and "be" someone or something. If you are a parent..."be" the one who advises, nurtures and loves your child! If you are a friend, "be" there in times of trouble and celebration. If you are a leader, "be" the one who motivates, engages and promotes.

We need to have our act together, be grounded and have a solid foundation before we can help others. Not that we need to be enlighten by years of meditation in Nepal. I simply mean that we should be secure, comfortable and honest with ourselves because you never know when there will be a loss of cabin pressure.

"Be" the one who grabs the oxygen mask first by being who you are!

Settling is for Rocks

If you ever had the privilege of standing before the majestic Grand Canyon, you will witness a jaw-dropping display of intense natural beauty. The layers of red, orange, green, brown and tan create a rainbow of earth tone colors spanning every corner of sight. The senses are shocked by its magnificence and fooled into thinking it is only an illusion.

The Grand and its many smaller branch canyons were formed by millions of years of shifting and colliding tectonic plates, raging rivers and punishing winds, revealing dramatic rock formations that chronicle the history of our world.

Diving deep into the canyon, you can touch and feel the passage of time through each layered ribbon composed of rocks, sandstone, and sediment from ancient seas that settled over the centuries with the help of crushing gravity and enormous pressure.

As the canyon’s rocks have settled, people settle too. We settle for things material and for matters of the heart.

Settling for the material is easy to understand. It is either a Lexus or a Toyota, an apartment or a house, a suit or a pair of pants and a sport coat. We settle the material for convenience, cost, fit, availability, a deadline (Sale ends at midnight!!) or we just can not make up our mind and forced to decide.

Think of the last time you settled for something material. Were you relieved and happy or disappointed and feeling shorted. If it was the latter, fear not for it is easily fixed. Just trade in the Toyota for that Lexus or buy that house when your lease expires. Easy right?

Settling for the matters of the heart is very different. Settling for matters of the heart have long lasting affects, creating a feeling of loss that often cannot be regained. After all, it is a dream and a passion that has been diluted, leaving you hungry and unsatisfied.

In the context of the State of “Be”ing Cycle, settling is not taking those affirmative steps toward “be”ing someone or something . It is not even a “sideliner” that knocks you off the cycle you were on. Settling is much more painful.

If that is true, why do we settle on matters of the heart? Why do we trade in huge dreams for those with less loft? (Hint … this is the part where you pause, reflect and say “hhhmmm”!).

Now for the multiple choice quiz.

We settle because we:
A.) Fear making the leap,
B.) Underestimate our ability or conviction,
C.) Hear those “encouraging” comments such as “You’re too old (or young)”, “You can’t possibly do that!”, “It is just a phase that you’ll get over”.
D.) Are just too damn tired of the fight and simply give up,
E.) All of the above.

Now for extra credit. There is another ….. that of being “comfortable”.

Lots of us make the safe bet. We don’t loose but then again we don’t win. We stay in place like swimming against a strong current. There’s lots of spent energy, a feeling of doing but in reality accomplishing little. Another way of looking at it and tying back to the Canyon introduction (at last!), is gravity and pressure. The gravity of comfort is relentlessly pulling us to make the safe decision and there is enormous pressure exerted to keep us to it.

Take that local job and not hold off to pursue the one where you dreamt of living, get that 30 year plaque and not start that business when you knew you had the perfect idea, stay in a familiar relationship that’s safe and not take the risk by following your heart and passions. The list goes on………

Although, these are not bad or wrong decisions and there can be many positive outcomes. However, the most unsettling reality is regret, even when you convince yourself there is none.

In the quiet of your room as you lay awake at night staring into the darkness ..…. you know the answer…. hhhmmmm

New & Improved Definitions

State of “Be”ing Cycle Definitions

State of Desire	A desire to be something or someone. What we “wanna be” is only an image and a vision without a decision to act.
Wanna Be	A decision to attain stature and/or eminence in a specific field of endeavor. There is conviction and determination.
Should Have Been	The potential was apparent and the desire was strong enough to “Wanna be” but no action was taken to begin the cycle. Leads to frustration, disappointment and lost opportunities. The state of lost dreams. When disabling events or the simple passage of time prevents a person from even wanting to be something. To live is a “wishful” world without any attempt to enter the cycle and any possibility of achievement is perhaps the worst fate of all.
Could Be	To be actively engaged in achieving what is desired. When you have achieved a certain degree of competencies when you realistically can believe that can “be” what you once had only dreamed of becoming.
Could have been	“Sidelined” along the way of achievement. Any number of personal, physical or professional factors prevents or interrupts attainment of “Be” status. “Be” status can still be achieved by overcoming the obstacle.
Be	Attainment of what was desired and actively involved in maintaining/enhancing that level of achievement. “Being” does not always mean a practitioner “Being” is still maintained and enhanced as a teacher, thought leader and as a creative.
Used to Be	Due to a “sideliner”, no longer actively engaged in maintaining the stature you once attained. However, a high degree of competency exists that would enable a return to “Be” with some effort. That competency erodes over time and the length of time on the sidelines determines the ability to return to “be” status.
Has Been	A significant time as a “Used to be” has resulted in a loss of competencies necessary to regain “Be” status. Will require extensive effort and desire to start the cycle again. One has to “Wanna Be” again.

Yo .... Copernicus!!!

According to my dear friend, Webster, “irony” is the incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected results.

A perfect example and one that will secure my picture next to its definition is how can a normal (maybe) guy with a love of martial arts, running and physical fitness get osteoarthritis.

As I sit on the upper level of the old 6:24 am commuter train making my daily run to Chicago, I ponder that. The A/C is masking the steamy summer heat outside leaving just the sunshine to put me in a zenish trance as the passing scenes mesmerize.

Maybe the answer to my dilemma will appear. Maybe the pain in my back and hip will miraculously disappear.

But as the reality of my rocky train ride is coming to an end, so too is the reality that my physical fix will take as much determination and persistence as earning my shodan years ago. Is this another “ah ha” moment or what?

My “wanna be” has yet to begin. My desire to return to “greatness” (now modest fitness) is still mere electrical impulses bouncing around randomly in my tiny brain. I am not even on the State of “Be”ing Cycle. I am looking in from the outside like a child wanting to hop on a spinning merry-go-round. It won’t stop but I have to somehow make the leap.

You might be wondering (or not) where Copernicus fits into this tale. Well this “ah ha” moment made me feel like an ancient astronomer discovering a new planet after justifying for years only a certain number. There is another planet that I hadn’t noticed before. It has always been but it makes sense now that the clouds are clearing.

Yo, Copernicus … that’s not dust on the telescope!!

Before we make the leap to the State of “Be”ing cycle and even grab onto that “wanna be” ring, there is a “State of Desire” out there, outside of the cycle.

Where as a “wanna be” makes a conscious decision to act, being in a State of Desire, our “wanna be” is only an image or a vision far from reality. Seemingly a subtle difference but not really. We all imagine our selves being someone or something but it takes action and often a cataclysmic event to provide the push to conviction.

A dear friend sent me this quote from an ancient Chinese philosopher (or may be he just made it up!) … “A vision without action is a daydream. Action with out a vision is a nightmare”.

Visualization is truly an important part of the self-development process. We can vividly imagine all the details of what we want and all the steps that need to take us there. However, visualization is not enough. We need to move to action and make that leap from desire to the State of “Be”ing Cycle.

See the modified “State of “Be”ing Cycle diagram and definitions with my new planet!!

State of "Be"ing Cycle Definitions

Wanna Be:
A strong desire to attain stature and/or eminence in a specific field of endeavor.

Should Have Been:
The potential was apparent and the desire was strong enough to “Wanna Be” but no action was taken to begin the cycle. Leads to frustration, disappointment and lost opportunities. The state of lost dreams. When disabling events or the simple passage of time prevents a person from ever trying to be something. To live is a “wishful” world without any attempt to enter the cycle and without any possibility of achievement is perhaps the worst fate of all.

Could Be:
To be actively engaged in achieving what is desired. A certain degree of competencies have been obtained and you realistically can expect to “Be” what you once only dreamed of becoming.

Sideliner:
Any number of personal, physical, emotional or professional factors that prevents or interrupts attainment of “Be” status.

Could have been:
“Sidelined” along the way of achievement. “Be” status can still be achieved by overcoming the obstacle.

Be:
Attainment of what was desired. Actively involved in maintaining and enhancing that level of achievement.
• “Being” does not always mean a practitioner
• “Being” is still maintained and enhanced as a teacher, thought leader and as a creative.

Used to Be:
Due to a “Sideliner”, no longer actively engaged in maintaining the stature you once attained. However, a high degree of competency exists that would enable a return to “Be” with some effort. That competency erodes over time and the length of time on the sidelines determines the ability to return to “Be” status.

Has Been:
A significant time as a “Used to Be” has resulted in a loss of competencies necessary to regain “Be” status. Will require extensive effort and desire to start the cycle again. One has to “Wanna Be” again.