Sidelined and now a "Use To Be"

Achieving my Shodan was a bittersweet moment and perfect example of the classic Chinese definition of duality, "ying yang". In Japanese, it is "in yo" and in Korean it is "um yang". No matter how you spin the chop stick, you can not experience true joy unless you have experience true sorrow and, conversely, you can not be truly sorrowful unless you have experience true joy. Just the week after I was awarded the Shodan and days shy of my 46th birthday, my job was eliminated. I was “Side lined" and it instantaneously made me a "Use to be". It took the wind out of me more then a front kick to the stomach. The effects of a kick lasts a few minutes but this was a vacuum that had much more serious implications. It crushed my ego and filled my world with fear. Things like mortgage and utility bills had new meaning.

What I did discover as result was that my work life was not going as well as my life as a martial artist. Talk about one of life's lessons!!! There were many that I relived over and over to this day.

After many years of humiliation and regret, I realized that receiving the honor of a black belt was far and above more grand and meaningful then struggling with an unfulfilling job.

It was getting more and more difficult to continue the intensity of the training. My priority changed to the basic of all Maslow’s hierarchy … food and shelter. My job search was the next “be” that had to be. There was no choice.

Now I truly was a bona fide “used to be” as both an employed person and a martial artist.

Silver lining time ........ Thankfully after 4 months of searching, I finally landed. That landing led to several years of earning different kinds of belts … those earned by 10 to 12 hour days and 6 days a week. Doing what it took to do well, be respected and stay employed. This left time for little else, especially my training. My moments with my family were less, but they gratefully understood. At that time, nothing beat meeting my mortgage payment!

After my job settled down somewhat and my suits no longer fit, I slowly tried to get in shape. I worked my katas and basic karate moves. This kept me going and maintaining, even at the bare minimum, my skills. If I couldn’t pass the Black belt test, I at least knew what it would take and I wasn’t so far off. I even dabbled in other martial arts styles … aikido and tai chi to keep me involved in the art. I kept reading related books and even self taught the use of some weapons such as a bokkan, jo and katana (aka Samurai sword). All to keep one toe in the martial arts water hoping to dive back with my full body..... to become a somebody once more.

“Used to be’s” can come back. They often do…..then again …. they often do not.